By Chen
Rating: PG-13, for language, angst and suicide situation. (Nah. No S-E-X. I don't know how your circulatory systems can take it.)
Pairing: Paul Rosenberg/Em (See? I was only concerned of your well being.)
Disclaimer: Some scenes/names may coincide with the events/persons in real life but trust me. This shit didn't happen. Em's arrest happened but the rest? Nuh uh. Just had me thinking one day. One of those 'What if' moments. Don't sue. I'm a fucking bum. It ain’t worth it.
Feedback: chenstigator@yahoo.com
Note: Not beta'd. So, let this be a warning that this may suck and can get incredibly mushy. Prepare a barf bag.
---
Summer 2000.
It's
The
Paul Rosenberg has his mind set miles and miles away. In
---
I've
been Em's manager since 1995. Em. Eminem. Marshall
Mathers. Slim Shady.
I
remember it clearly. The
day I "discovered" him.
It
was the usual chilly
That
night, like many others, I was checking out ciphers. Rap battles. To look for fresh talent. I've been a fan of rap for as long as I can
remember. Even tried
rapping myself. That didn't
work. Oh well. Might as well look for someone to whom I can
apply the knowledge imparted me by UDM*.
I decided that this is where I'd specialize in. Where I'd prove myself. Where one day I can go back to my parents and
tell them I've made the right decision.
The
battle toiled for hours. Rappers faced
each other. Rapper
after rapper after rapper. But
nobody, nobody had 'It'. I was starting
to think that I've wasted my time. Again. Nobody had
that special star quality. I was getting
bored by the minute and was about to leave and call it a night until the host
introduced the defending champion. The
audience cheered for the champion. I
can't believe the response this guy's getting.
He hasn't appeared on stage yet but the audience can't wait.
"Whoa,
I need to check this guy out," I remember saying to myself.
The
champion appears on stage to defend his title.
I can't really see clearly the performers on stage since I was seated at
the back but there is no doubt that the champion who appeared onstage is
white. A white MC! What the fuck? That can't be right. What's this?
Vanilla TwIce?
Fuck it. I'm leaving. I should've just went
to
But
just when I was about to leave the champion began to spew his rhymes. And my jaw just dropped. That was the most amazing thing I've ever
heard. This is what I've been looking
for all this time.
"I
have to meet this guy. This M&M."
I
waited for him to come out at the backdoor.
I went out as soon as he was again declared champion. I will never forget that night. It felt like it was destined to happen. That it was fate that brought me here. Fate that brought him here.
I
remember how young he looked for his age.
I'm a year older than he is but it looked more than that. He was 23 but he looked like he was 16. Maybe even younger. He was a bit on the heavier side that time
but nonetheless beautiful. His fiery
blue eyes stood out. I wasn't able to
speak for a few seconds. I was just...
there. Staring. In awe. I can't believe that someone this beautiful
can also be gifted with such talent.
Despite the grime on his face, the weary look in his eyes, his beauty
radiated from beneath it. That's what
he was. Is. Beautiful. I
chuckled at the thought. It reminded me
of that stupid fairy tale - Cinderella.
And I, Paul D. Rosenberg, shall be a fairy godmother. I had to feign coughing a few times to
control the laugh escaping my lungs.
From
then on, I knew. He'll change my life
and that I would change his, too.
Not
leaving the Hip-hop Shop that night would be one of the greatest decisions of
my life.
---
I
wonder what he's doing right now. Hopefully, out of trouble.
This feeling of dread won’t leave me.
I'll call him later. It's too
early.
I
let myself drift in thought. My Cinderella. I
smiled. My Cinderella has finally been
revealed at the ball.
I
can't believe what a long way we've gone since that dark and chilly night in
Nothing
could go wrong now.
My
musings were suddenly interrupted by a tap on the shoulder by the tour
manager. I have a phone call. It was Em.
"Paul. I'm in jail.
I've got into a fight over Kim.
Get me out of here. Please."
I
didn't like how his voice sounded. It
almost sounded like a whimper. It felt
like a stab directly aimed at my heart. And
just like that, I took the next flight to
-
I
arrived about 2 hours later. He was all
alone in his cell. A
fallen angel. There is no sign of
Slim Shady here. No sign of that
foul-mouthed evil alter ego of his. Just Em. Just
"I
had a fucked up day, Paul. More so than the usual.
Kim and I went to this Radio store.
There's this guy who's with ICP and he called me a fag. And it's just... It's all a blur, man. It all came rolling from there. Went to do some shit and when I came back
home the bitch ain't there. And I don't know where she left Hailie at. Her mom said she was at Hot Rocks so I went.
She was kissing the bouncer. The fucking
bouncer, man! How could she do this to
me? What more does she want?” And with
that, the tears spilled.
"I'll
get you out of here, Em."
"Thanks
dawg. I don't know what else to do. The cops, while they was
fingerprinting me? They was asking for my autograph and taking pictures. The worst moment of my life and they're
asking for my autograph? The fuck? I'm a human
being, Paul. Not some motherfucking
spectacle."
-
His
bail was placed and I paid for it. We
left using my car. Em didn't want to
come home so we went straight to my place.
It was complete silence along the way.
We
were in the living room, sitting on the couch.
The TV was on but we weren't really watching.
"Where's
"He
went home. I took care of it. Don't fret." I answered, reassuring him.
"I
fucked up
I
moved my hand to brush it against his hair letting it fall gently against his
cheek. Trying to
soothe him.
"You
did not.
"Em,
you okay in there?"
There
was no answer. Just
more rustling. And then I heard
some faint sobs. Concern
creeping into me. I tried
knocking again and still no response. More sobbing. Louder. Glass breaking. Panic rising in me again. That night in '97. Visions of Em throwing up
in the bowl flashing through my mind.
It can't be. No. Don't let this happen. Not now.
Not ever.
The
door's locked.
I kick it once, twice until it finally opened. I found Em lying on the floor. In a fetal position. Tears flowing
uncontrollably. The bottle of
Tylenol lying shattered on the floor.
"My
life's over. I fuck it all up. Everything."
No.
Please. Oh my God. No.
I
ran. Gathered him in
my arms. Half
cradling him. Rocking
him gently. My mind reeling.
"How many Em? How many?" I asked but dreading to hear the answer.
"I
can't do it, Paul. I couldn't. Hailie." Em
answered brokenly. In between sobs but I
understood. I didn't realize that I was
crying, too. Relief
rushing through me. Resting my chin on the top of his head. My hold tightening around
him, still rocking him. Whispering assurances in his ear. We stayed like that until I felt the tremors
racking his body slow down. Then entirely stopping.
I looked at his face and saw that there are still tears streaming down
his cheeks but at a slower pace now.
The
bathroom floor had become uncomfortable and with that I decided to take him to
my guestroom. Once again, I did not
receive any objection from him as I carried his weakened body down the hall and
into the bedroom. His
lithe frame not giving the slightest strain on mine. I gently lay him on the bed and pulled the
blankets up to his shoulders. Closing
the blinders to block the sunlight now seeping from the windows, I turned to
leave.
"Paul? Could you stay? Stay until I fall asleep."
And
I couldn't. I couldn't refuse him. I can see his blue eyes looking at me. Pleading.
And I couldn't say no.
I
turned and started to walk towards the sofa on the side of the bed when I heard
him say no. Confused, I looked at him
and saw that he has scooted to one side of the bed. He gently patted the now vacated side and
motioned for me to come over. I looked
at him skeptically at first but finally relented. A sigh escapes his lips as my weight settled
on the mattress.
I
lay beside him. On my back,
looking at the ceiling. I watched
the glimmers of sunlight that managed to creep through the blinders dance as
the air-conditioning blew. I felt a
sense of peace. I turned my head to look
at Em. Lying on his
back. The same position as I
am. He was already asleep. Finally.
I
watched Em sleep for a few minutes.
Marveling at how little he's changed physically. He's lost weight. He's a blond now. He has a lot of tattoos. But overall? He looks the same. 5 years.
It's been 5 years, and he looks the same. Innocent. His appearance undermining the weight he's
been carrying. I smiled in
amazement. I watched him sleep for a
couple more minutes, listening to the calming sound of his even breathing and
then the events of the past hours finally overtook.
-
I
slept for what felt like hours. A lot of hours. I
looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table.
It's
5
years. 5 years of this. I've been handling the ins
and out of Em's career. The ups and downs.
People wonder how I've lasted this long.
With Em's reputation and all. There are a lot of reasons. Every person that asked, I gave a different
one. But none of them that's even
remotely near the truth. I've never told
anyone the real reason. Never. Not even
Em.
I
felt Em shift a little. I look down and
was met with glittering blue eyes. He
smiled and I melted.
"B-Real's
gonna fucking kill you." he said with a hint of laughter. I had to laugh. I noticed that he didn't make a move to
remove my grip around his waist nor his hands above it. I hold on.
Tighter.
"I
know." I told him and smiled. He looks away.
"Thanks
Paul. For staying.
I'm sorry. I know you have other
shit to do. You can go if you..."
"Do
you know why I stayed,
Moving my left arm. Letting the elbow rest on the pillow. I lift my head, resting it on my palm. I look down, regarding him.
He
looks up at me again. Shakes
his head. Confusion in his eyes. I can also see fear. I soothe him by lifting my right hand to his
cheek. Caressing it. I hear him sigh. I lean closer. Hovering above him. Hearing him exhale. His breath on my face. Slowly, I lean again. Closer. Closer still. Closer.
My
lips brush against his.
"I'll
stay for as long as you need me, Marshall."
I
pulled away and look at him. The smile
has returned. Understanding
in his eyes. Acceptance. Relief.
I
returned to my previous position beside him.
My chin once again on top of his head, my arm encircling his waist.
"You're
safe with me, Marshall."
And
that is the truth. The
reason why I stayed. Because from then on, I knew. From that dark and chilly
1995 night in
I
felt love on that day. Seen love in the
most beautiful package. Enough reasons
for me to stay.
-END-
~
Please Click Here To Leave Your Opinion
~
Nite Storm Productions Hosted Stories
~ Nite Storm Productions
Home Page
*UDM -